Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke
by LordWolf77
Summary: Harry Potter defeated Voldemort, now he can be happy. He lived a good life. Right? Or will life make him do something new, yet again? This is a Video Game Plot, if you don't like I encourage you not to read.
1. Game On

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

Lordwolf77

I own nothing but the events I have changed in this story, this means I do not own the characters, unless they are ones I have crafted, nor do I own any of the Harry Potter World, all of this belongs to J. K. Rowling.

Fate is known to play her games on everyone in life, but occasionally she finds a target that she just loves.

Harry James Potter had just killed Tom Marvelo Riddle, also known as Voldemort. He found the Weasley family and hugged his girlfriend, Ginny. They talked with the family for a few hours, trying to bring cheer into the day that had hurt them all. One by one people wandered through the rubble of Hogwarts, trying to find a place to sleep, Ginny grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him into the last remaining tower of the once beautiful school.

"You know Harry, you did something great today. You deserve some type of reward that no one else can give you," with this Ginny grabbed the hem of her shirt and started pulling it up.

Harry's vision went dark.

Game Over

The words appeared from nowhere, scrolling as if on a screen like in one of Dudley's video games.

Grade: Z (Epic Fail)

Points Awarded:

Survived Voldemort (x5): +500 each

Befriended Hermione Granger: +50

Befriended Luna Lovegood: +50

Ran From Dursley's: +50

Flew on House Quidditch Team: +100

Learned Magic: +100

Fought for Light: +100

Met Sirius Black: +100

Lived to Age 17: +170

Befriended Twins: +30

Total Earned: 3250

Points Lost:

Befriended Ronald Weasley: -1000

Dated Ginny Weasley: -1000

Hated Draco Malfoy: -500

Succumbed to Love Potion: -500

Failed to learn Occlumency: -500

Killed by Ginny Weasley: -500

Trusted Dumbledore: -5000

Never Trained: -5000

Returned to Dursley's: -500

Total lost: -14,500

Total Life Points: -11,250

Unlocked: New Game Plus

Unlocked: Wizard Harry

Unlocked: Options

Locked: Mother's Protection

Harry's vision went dark again before a video of Hogwarts came into vision, with gold letters floating above it reading:

Fate's: Harry Potter

"What in Merlin's name? My life is a video game? Designed by Fate? No wonder it sucks, why would someone do this" Harry started screaming at no one in particular.

New Game

New Game Plus

Options

After Life

These choices appeared before Harry on what he could now only call a screen. Curious he thought 'options' and a new set of words appeared.

Tutorials: Off

Auto Level: On

Subtitles: Off

Flash Forging: Off

Harry had watched Dudley play his video games and though he understood most of what was on the screen, though he did not know what 'Flash Forging' was. Harry went though and turned 'Tutorials' On and 'Auto Level' Off, then he decided to risk it and turn 'Flash Forging' On.

Harry found his way back to the opening screen and thought 'New Game Plus,' causing him to be pulled though the 'a' of his name and into what seemed to be a room of many Harry's.

He walked through the room at a slow pace examining all of the Harry's, there were many of him, each looked different, dressed different, and even had different builds of body. Harry walked up to one. It was massive, much bigger than Gwarp even. The title that hung in his vision read 'Giant Harry' but it seemed to have a lock next to it. When Harry reached out and touched the lock a new text entered his vision.

To unlock this Harry you must complete the game with a Giant slave.

This confused Harry a bit but he shrugged and moved on toward a glowing Harry. 'Protection-less Harry' was the title of the glowing Harry. Harry touched the name and text entered his vision.

Harry's father ran out on Lily, leaving Sirius to care for them both. Lord Voldemort attacked one night while Sirius was out working auror patrol. The attack was enough to surprise Lily, causing her to not have enough time to cast her protections upon Harry.

Harry moved on after reading the description to the only remaining Harry that had light cast upon it. 'Harry, Just Harry' was the name, Harry clicked on it reading the short description.

Just Harry? Who wants to be just Harry? Warning: Mother's Protection has been locked, you can unlock this in the game or by winning with certain criteria.

"I don't know what that warning means but I want to be Just Harry thanks," Harry said with enough venom in his voice to make a basilisk look like a garden snake.

Harry's vision went dark once more.

Harry awoke in another room, this one filled with weapons and armor. Standing up he looked at everything he walked through the room towards a glowing pedestal with a paper on it. He touched the paper, causing a new screen to pop up followed quickly by his first tutorial page.

Tutorial: Screens

You have unlocked your first screen. Your Status screen can be called up at any time, starting now unlocked screens will be voice activated.

Another tutorial popped up after Harry closed the first.

Tutorial: Status

This screen is where you view things such as Level, Skills, and Specs.

Harry closed the second tutorial and explored the screen in front of him. He saw that he had no skills and no points in his Specs though he did have the option to level up. Harry decided to leave the screen and level up later, but when he tried to close the window he found he couldn't, so he clicked on the level up button prompting a new screen.

Specs:

Strength: 0

Wisdom: 0

Intelligence: 0

Constitution: 0

Dexterity: 0

Points to Distribute: 20

Harry looked at each of the Specs and knew what they were from watching his cousin, seeing that he could choose his own start he decided to just put points in different spots, focusing on his Intelligence and Wisdom points. The new screen read:

Specs:

Strength: 1

Wisdom: 7

Intelligence: 10

Constitution: 1

Dexterity: 1

Points to Distribute: 0

Skills:

None

Points: 30

End Level Up

Harry was back on the Status screen, the close button now lit. He clicked it, then his vision blurred once more.


	2. Beginnings?

I still own nothing but my own musings. J. K. Rowling still owns Harry and Friends. Life goes on.

Chapter 2: Beginnings?

Harry watched as his parents were killed by Voldemort, his flight with Hagrid and his being placed on the Dursley's front steps. The video went through his young days before he finally woke in the cupboard under the stairs.

Harry blinked at the light that was coming through the cracks in his wall before hearing his Aunt Petunia slamming on his door telling him to get up. He sat up slowly; as he did a reticle appeared in his vision, along with a red and blue bar labeled HP and MP respectively.

"Get up you lazy boy. I want you out here in three minutes making this breakfast." His Aunt said emphasizing each word with a hit on the door.

Harry opened the cupboard door and walked into the kitchen before looking at the stove and seeing his ten year old face staring back at him. He walked as though in a haze and started cooking, trying to figure out just when he came too.

"Hurry up boy," roared his Uncle from behind his newspaper. "I will not have Dudley be late for school. Nor myself to work."

A gold exclamation point appeared above the stove when he turned back toward it. Harry reached out and touched the frying pan and a window popped up.

_Quest: Cooking:_

_ You have been told to cook your relatives' breakfast. You better hurry or they may get very upset._

_ Cook:_

_ X3 Bacon_

_ X3 Pancakes_

_ X3 Sausage_

_ X1 Toast_

Another screen popped up with different grayed out tabs only the 'Breakfast' tab was in color. Very few options were available to Harry at the moment, only the stuff he was tasked to cook. Harry clicked the 'Bacon' button and watched as his hands went to work making a batch of bacon all on their own.

_+1 Burnt Bacon. +10 exp. Cooking skill discovered._

Harry was a little confused but decided to keep cooking. He hit the 'Bacon' button again and again watched himself make the bacon in seconds.

_+1 Burnt Bacon. +10 exp. +1 Cooking._

This time a tutorial popped up.

_Tutorial: Skills:_

_Congradulations, you have a skill. Skills are developed outside of your level development. They increase on their own as you use the skill. If you are bad at something simply use the skill and you will improve._

Harry smiled slightly and continued cooking. A new window popped up when he finished his 'Toast'.

_You have completed your first Quest. If you have not noticed, time has not passed since you have started. You have unlimited resources for this Quest. You can end it now or continue cooking, you will not gain any more exp., however you will still grow your Cooking level. _

The Cooking screen popped back up and Harry smiled a wicked smile and continued cooking.

Harry obtained 500 Bacon, 500 Pancakes, 500 Sausage, and 30 Cooking skill before he had finally stopped gaining any points toward his Cooking skill. Harry finished the quest and put some of the Burnt Bacon, Burnt Pancakes, and Burnt Sausage on the table and helped himself to some of his Well Done Pancakes.

_Quest Complete: +50 exp. +3 Cooking skill. +1 Gold. +Dudley's Old Shirt._

_Level up!_

A symbol appeared above his HP bar. Harry ran out the door behind his fat cousin and went to school. When Harry arrived he sat in his seat and opened his Status menu and clicked on the level up button.

_Specs_

Strength: 1

Wisdom: 7

Intelligence: 10

Constitution: 1

Dexterity: 1

Points to add: 10

Harry applied half the points to Strength and the rest was split between Dexterity and Constitution.

_Specs_

Strength: 6

Wisdom: 7

Intelligence: 10

Constitution: 4

Dexterity: 3

Points to add: 0

Continue?

Harry said, "Yes"

Skills:

Cooking: 35

Points to add: 40

Harry just said "Continue" as he planned to spend the points on something later. The day began and the teacher started teaching the class and Harry's body just went through the motions of the day.


	3. Mad Skills

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

Chapter 3: Mad Skills

I still own nothing Harry Potter… Saddening I know… But I can still write this right?

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. Keep them coming, I like knowing what people think.

Harry woke up on the first day of summer. Yesterday was his last day at school and his first in this game. Blinking at the sound of his Aunt slamming on his door once again, he sat up and left his tiny cupboard. He walked into the kitchen and used his now level 35 Cooking skill to cook the breakfast for his 'Family' and left the house to explore the neighborhood.

A gold exclamation point was hovering over the mower. Harry ignored that and instead went to the white exclamation point near the mailbox. Harry reached out and opened the mail box, thus prompting a tutorial window.

Tutorial: Mail:

Mail can be received or sent to friends. You must gain a +100 friendship with someone to discover their address.

Discovered: Mailbox Window.

Discovered: Relationship Window.

After the tutorial closed the Mailbox Window opened. Harry looked and noticed that he had no one under his contact list. He decided to close the Window and look at his Relationship Window.

Petunia Dursley: Major Enemy

Vernon Dursley: Major Enemy

Dudley Dursley: Minor Enemy

Anabel Figg: Forced Friend

Harry looked at the list and realized in his first life he had no friends beyond the traitors and Hermione. He decided to change that if he could and he walked toward the park. A white exclamation point was over the entrance to the small park.

Quest: Make a Friend

There are many people in the park, you need only befriend one. Or make as many as you can.

Harry looked around and saw several kids his own age at the park, most he didn't recognize even from later years, though he did see Luna Lovegood and all of her bright blonde hair. He smiled and approached her.

"Hello, my name is Harry Potter. What's yours?" Harry asked as he tapped her shoulder lightly.

"Oh hello," Luna replied in her sing-song voice, "I don't think I need to tell you my name, you seem to already know me, don't you Harry Potter?"

"Umm…" Harry mumbled

"You have lived a life before this, I know, I see it in your eyes. I will be your friend Harry Potter, as I was in your previous life. Come you can meet my father." Luna said with a smile, she grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him to meet her father. "Daddy, this is Harry Potter, we've only just met but I think we will be good friends."

"That's wonderful darling, but we must be going, your mother will be waiting." Xenophilius said with a flustered gusto, pulling Luna with him out of the park.

"Goodbye Harry Potter." Luna yelled over the screaming children as she waved to the Boy-Who-Lived.

Quest Complete: Make a Friend:

+100 Friend Points with Luna Lovegood.

+100 Friend Points with Xenophilius Lovegood.

Etiquette Skill Discovered

+5 Etiquette Skill

Seer Skill Discovered

+Friend Band

Harry looked at the rewards for the quest and accepted them. He opened his Status Window.

Harry James Potter

Level: 2

Secrets Discovered in Area: 0/32

Specs:

Strength: 6

Wisdom: 7

Intelligence: 10

Constitution: 4

Dexterity: 3

Skills:

Cooking: 35

Etiquette: 5

Seer: 0 (currently unavailable for level up)

Status Effects:

None

Exp.: 1200

Needed: 300

Harry switched to his Inventory Window. He clicked on 'Wearable'.

Dudley's Old Shirt

Friend Band

Those were the only things in his Inventory that were not food items. He clicked on Dudley's Old Shirt and a small window popped up below it.

Dudley's Old Shirt:

+1 Defence

-5 Inteligence

-5 Etiquette

-5 Popularity

-50 Influence

Harry quickly decided he didn't want to wear the shirt even if it gave him a defense bonus, whatever that was, the rest was not worth it. So he clicked on the 'Friend Band' next.

Friend Band:

+5% Friend Point increase

+10 Influence

+5 Popularity

Harry decided this was worth equipping though he didn't really know what any of those things were, so he clicked the equip button that was next to the picture of the item and it immediately appeared on his arm. The Friend Band was a bronze bracelet that seemed weightless on his wrist.

Harry closed out of the Inventory screen and heard a voice, as if through a loud speaker say, "New download incoming, returning to Room 1." And his vision went dark again.

Harry awoke in a white room with little floating screens all around him. As he approached one of the screens a hooded feminine figure appeared before him. She gave him the come hither finger and walked through a door that appeared like the ones in the Department of Mysteries in his fifth year.

Harry walked past a blank screen and saw that he was in his seventeen year old body once again. Then he walked through the door behind the mystery woman. He found the room had a large desk with two chairs in front of it. The woman was sitting behind the desk facing the door.

"You may sit," came the voice behind the hood.

"Who exactly are you?" Harry asked.

The woman pulled the hood down, and the entire robe disappeared, leaving the red haired woman in a gold plated suit of armor with a scary looking sword strapped to her waist. "I am Fate, God of this world and others. You, Harry James Potter are but a play thing to me. I know your life was hell previously so I crafted this game for you. You can relive your life your way. Learn from your mistakes and use them to boost yourself to an Ultimate End, upon which you will earn passage to the afterlife, if you choose to accept it," Fate's voice boomed with importance.

"Why would I not accept the afterlife?" Harry asked meekly.

"You may find that this game is exactly where you wish to be. The update has finished installing. The area you arrived in is Room 1, it is your home. You can play as many people, not just yourself from there. There is now a save function, new characters function, and side characters stories. You are not the only Main character in this game, so you will be able to play as some others. I wish you luck in this life. Whatever you do Harry, don't lose yourself."

Fate clapped her hands together as she finished and Harry felt as though his head was pulled by a giant hand out of the room, back to Room 1.

Harry sat for what had to be hours before he accepted what Fate had told him. He approached one of the screens and noticed the different options.

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ronald Weasley

Ginny Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Sirius Black

Petunia Dursley

Side Characters

New Character

New Character

Unlocks

Seeing that everything other than side characters was white and selectable, Harry decided he simply wished to be himself for a while longer, at least until he went to Hogwarts, so he clicked his own name and found himself back where he was ejected from.

Tutorial: Saving Your Game

You have now unlocked the Save Game function. This is done simply by kneeling down and saying 'Save Game (file number 1-99)'. This function allows you to save before dangerous tasks and keeps you from having to restart if you die. Warning: there are areas where you cannot save. Warning: Save often, you never know when you may need it.

Tutorial: Music:

You have unlocked your very own soundtracks. These are found randomly and are often at least one of the Secrets in an Area, you can say 'Music On' to turn it on and 'Music Off' to turn it off.

Harry smiled, dropped to one knee and said "Save Game 1," then he stood and said "Music On". Music filled the air around him and he went to talk to more people in the park. He was less than five steps away from someone when a text flashed into his vision.

Movement Skill Discovered

Tutorial: Skills:

For every skill discovered you now have a tutorial. Movement is simply the speed at which your character moves. This is different from dexterity as it is not used for dodging nor for sports, it is simply your everyday, run of the mill, speed of walking or running. This DOES NOT control how long you can run.

Harry closed the tutorial and approached the young Asian looking girl, "Hello, I'm Harry. What's your name?"

"劉" The girl replied.

Chinese Language Skill Discovered

Tutorial: You have learned how to learn new languages, Chinese is just one of many, get this skill up by talking to this character and you can become friends, this will also help her learn English.

Harry pointed at himself, "Harry."

The girl imitated him by pointing at herself, "Liu." The girl said.

+10 Chinese Language Skill.

+50 Friendship Points; Liu

Harry smiled and talked slowly to Liu, having heard what she said in plain English. "Can we be friends?"

The young girl smiled and nodded.

+50 Friendship Points; Liu

"How old are you?" Harry continued slowly.

"八" The girl replied.

+5 Chinese Language Skill.

"How old are you?" Harry asked again.

"八." The girl said slowly.

+5 Chinese Language Skill.

Harry talked to the girl for another few hours, building his Chinese to 65 points and her Friend Points to 550, before he finally bid her farewell in Chinese and left the park.

Harry pulled his Relationship Window up and saw that the little girl, Liu, was his highest friend. He clicked on her name and the information he knew about her came up.

Liu

Address known!

Chinese Speaking/ English Speaking

Age: 8

Height: 4'10''

Weight: 70 lbs.

Harry realized that by spending so much time learning to talk to her he didn't really get to know her all that well, so he opened his Mailbox and sent her a message, asking different things about her, all in Chinese.

After sending the letter Harry decided to take a different route home. He walked through the field near the park, and his Music changed. A giant rat jumped out at him, biting his ankle. A red -10 came into his view. The world paused for a moment.

Tutorial: Health and Mana

You have unlocked your health and Mana, each has a bar on the bottom of your screen, red and blue respectively. They are finite, so protect them. HP or health is your overall wellness while MP or Mana is used as a combat skill, generally for magic. You may notice that your MP bar is only half full, this shows some type of block or drain on your Mana.

Tutorial: Fights:

You have started a fight, this rat will attack you, don't worry it is low leveled just for this tutorial, hit it a few times and you should be fine. Don't let it kill you. Have fun fighting.

Quest: The Rat is Loose

Defeat the rat.

The world started around Harry again, the rat jumped at him once more clawing his arm and dealing a -15 damage.

Harry struck out at the rat hitting it with a -10. He saw the rat start to look weakened by his blow then he kicked it in the head dealing a Critical -25 damage. The rat then exploded into tiny purple pyramids.

Quest Complete: The Rat is Loose

Hand-to-hand Skill Discovered

+10 Hand-to-hand Skill

+Rat Claw Dagger

Blade Skill Discovered

+1 Blade Skill

Tutorial: Hand-to-hand Skill

This skill is your unarmed skill. This along with your Dexterity and Strength determine how hard and how often you hit your target.

Tutorial: Blade Skill

This, along with your Dexterity and Strength determines how hard and how often you hit your target with a bladed weapon.

Harry smiled and equipped his new dagger and went to work on the general rat population. He'd been dying to kill something since he got stuck in this Merlin forsaken game.


	4. Letters

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

Chapter 4: Letters

I still own my thoughts… and that's all I own.

A/N: If anyone has any corrections or thoughts I will be happy to read them in the reviews. If I feel that a review is one worth responding to I will do so. Please be nice though. Thank you.

Harry spent the next few weeks making friends, completing quests, and building his Skills. He was now decked out in a Padded Polo shirt, Cargo Pants, Steel Toed Boots, and his Friend Band. He found out that some Skills, like Cooking, gave you Skill related unlocks, like recipes, every so often.

Harry was now a Master Chef and fluent in Chinese, Latin, Spanish, and Japanese. He had friends from around the globe.

Harry was taking part in his now routine of running five miles before breakfast. He decided on this because after spending two days not doing anything his Movement Skill decreased, so far though that was the only skill that had.

Harry took a detour through the field. He ran into a Crooked Cat, still using his Rat Claw Dagger, which surprisingly went unnoticed by everyone, he swung at the cat. The cat dodged and used his tail to swipe at Harry. Harry laughed until he felt a stabbing pain in his leg, he looked down and saw a rail spike through the cat's tail, and now his leg.

He howled in pain before pulling the spike out and lifting the cat up. The cat promptly starting scratching his face making his glasses fly way and Harry to drop the cat. Harry saw that his own health was about half way expended in this small fight.

Scan Skill Discovered.

Tutorial: Scan:

You have discovered the ability to read your opponents, you will know their health, Mana, even Level. This can be useful in many ways, not just fights. Level up to see just what you can learn from this Skill.

Harry stepped away from the hissing cat and saw that the cat's health bar was still full, having dealt it no damage. He swung the dagger again, this time striking home, right in the cat's eye. The cat knelt in front of him and a blue phoenix appeared above its head.

Familiar Window Discovered.

Tutorial: Familiars:

You have found your first Familiar, these are pets that grow with you, you can have as many as you can find, just remember you can only travel with three. You will now also unlock the Pet Window.

The cat disappeared before the next tutorial showed up.

Pet Window Discovered.

Tutorial: Pets:

This function should be in the next update. You can now start collecting pets, they can be useful. Good luck finding out how.

Harry formed a confused look. "How does that explain anything," he yelled to the sky. "That doesn't even tell me the difference in the two let alone how to go about obtaining either. These tutorials suck." Harry huffed and opened the Familiars Window.

Spike the Rail Cat:

Level: 2

Familiar Points: 20

Strength: 5

Wisdom: 3

Intelligence: 9

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 15

+5 Strength

+10 Dexterity

+5 Scan

+Familiar Scan Skill

+5% Friend Points

+5% Familiar Points

Harry decided to equip Spike.

Familiar Scan Skill Discovered.

Tutorial: Familiar Scan:

This allows you to find Familiars compatible with your character. This Scan reveals how compatible familiars are, becoming more accurate as the Skill increases.

Harry looked down and saw Spike lacing between his legs, carefully avoiding spiking him. "Come on Spike, we'd better get home, today is the day I get my Hogwarts Letter."

Harry and Spike entered Number Four Privet Drive a few moments before the mail entered the mailslot. Harry picked the letter up and put it in his cupboard before walking into the kitchen and handing his Uncle the bills. He then went to the stove and started cooking breakfast. His Aunt and Uncle long since used to his morning routine.

After a breakfast of being ignored as always, Harry went to his 'room' to write a reply to the Hogwarts Letter. Opening the letter Harry found that not only was it his Hogwarts Letter, it was also a number of letters and Account Summaries from Gringotts.

Dear Mr. H. J. Potter,

We at Gringotts have sent these letters to your Godmother, Minerva McGonagall. She has since promised to forward these to you. We noticed several inaccuracies within your account. Our Master Goblin has closed your Accounts, all monies that were in your Trust Vault have been saved however all other Accounts, including your Family Vaults, have been ransacked. Upon your first visit to our establishment you must show this letter to the Teller and you will be able to seize control of your Houses.

May your Gold flow eternal,

Sharptooth,  
Potter Manager

After reading this letter it was no surprise that he was not allowed his accounts in his previous life. They had closed them, now Harry was determined to find out why. Harry wrote his letter to the Professor.

Dear Professor McGonagall,

I have received my Hogwarts Letter, as well as a few surprises. I accept my place at the school and would like to speak with you about a few things. I hope you have the answers I am looking for.

Yours Always,

Harry Potter

Harry sent the letter with Spike, who simply faded from view at that point. He kneeled and saved his game before returning to Room 1.

"Game Updating."

"Not again. Fine I'll just look around. Maybe there is something interesting here." Harry walked over to the main screen and tapped it.

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ronald Weasley

Ginny Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Sirius Black

Petunia Dursley

Side Characters

New Character

New Character

Unlocks

He clicked the Unlocks button. Most of the options were greyed out except for the option of Wizard Harry. Harry touched the option and read the description.

Wizard Harry:

All charcters will advance faster as a Wizard in all of his Wizarding Skills.

+Spellcasting

+Mage Sight

-5% Intelligence

Harry decided that this would help him in the long run, improving the Magic learning of his characters could save their lives. So he activated the Unlock and exited the screen. He noticed that the Update must have completed because the names were white once more. He clicked on the first New Character selection, and his vision darkened.


	5. Ringer

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

I still don't own anything Harry Potter. Sorry guys and girls.

Chapter 5: Ringer

The image of a young boy flew into Harry's vision. He stood a little less than four feet and couldn't weight more than 85 pounds. He had light brown hair, blue eyes and was dressed as though he came from an important family.

New Character Questionaire:

If you could have mixed blood what kind would it be?

A: Human/Werewolf

B: Human/HouseElf

C: Human/Dragon

D: Human/Giant

E: Human/Centuar

The answers flew by too fast to read so Harry just reached out and hit B. The image of the boy changed into a smaller boy with rags on, his ears pointed slightly.

Are you a

Boy

Girl

Boy

Girl

Boy

This time Harry touched the D button, still not seeing his options. The image blurred this time before solidifying into a female version of the boy he had just seen.

How many siblings do you have?

A: 0

B: 3

C: 4

D: 1

E: 2

Harry hit the C, having been able to read his answers this time. He wanted the siblings he never had as a child.

End Questionnaire.

Build Your Home:

Family Mansion

Cabin

Hidden Hole

Castle

Harry tapped the Castle button, remembering how Hogwarts felt like so much of a home.

Castle Cost: 500,000,000 Player Points

Player Points: 3,000

Harry was forced back to the other screen. So he clicked on Family Mansion.

Family Mansion Cost: 0 Player Points

Player Points: 3,000

Buy?

Harry said yes, and another screen came up where you could customize nearly anything you wanted, from lawn size to Hunting Areas, from house size to level of Monsters. Harry played with the sliders trying to get as big a house as he could for as few Player Points as possible. Harry finally settled on four story house with a massive lawn, overrun by Monsters of random levels. This even earned Harry extra Player Points.

The house appeared as a rundown place. He was surprised it hadn't fallen over. A description read:

Family Mansion:

Passed down generation after generation, this house went out of style centuries ago. The deed was recently rediscovered by the Elvi family. Having nowhere to go after the death of their parents, the eldest child, Ringer, lead her three sisters here.

Can the girls team up and repair the place before they get their Hogwarts Letters?

Player Points left: 3,500

The world zoomed in around Harry.

"When are we gonna get there Ringer?" came a small voice from behind Harry.

He turned around and saw three little Human/HouseElf children following him, floating above their heads were several words that seemed like replies he could use, so he chose one, "We are here Sarah. Now calm down and take your sisters to set up the tent."

The girls nodded with conviction and went about their assigned duty. Harry looked down at himself and saw that he was that little girl in rags that he had seen earlier. It was strange. The body felt so different to him here.

Harry looked out over the fence of the yard and noticed that no one was looking near the house, even as four strange looking girls were standing in the yard of a long abandoned house. He assumed that there were wards up around the place, he, or she now, could feel a slight drain, most likely powering them.

Harry/Ringer walked toward the house and stumbled on the rock path. When she hit the ground she picked up the rock that she tripped on.

Rock acquired, weapon.

The words flashed so quickly that she barely registered them. When the words clicked in her mind she smiled and started picking up rocks, they would give her a way of defeating the Monsters. Once she acquired 500 Rocks, she walked into the grass. She immediately regretted that decision because the grass started to cut her skin deeply, so she backed out as fast as she entered and walked back to the now set tent.

"Ringer, when do we start clearing this place out? We can't live in a tent forever you know." A different little girl said.

"We can start now if you want, Snow. Come on, each of you pick up rocks, we can throw them at the Monsters."

"Will that kill them? I don't think it will." Came Sarah's voice again.

"Well let's find out shall we?" Harry/Ringer replied, choosing an option again.

The girls picked up rocks, and, like with Harry, the rocks disappeared, presumably to an inventory of some type. Harry/Ringer took a moment to open his Relationship Window.

Sarah Elvi

Sister

Friendship Points: 1000

Age: 10

Snow Elvi

Sister

Friendship Points: 1000

Age: 10

Karen Elvi

Sister

Friendship Points: 1000

Age: 10

Seeing little in the way of information Harry closed the Window and opened his Status Window.

Ringer:

Level: 1

Age: 10

Specs:

Strength: 2

Intelligence: 5

Wisdom: 15

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Skills:

Cleaning: 5

Cooking: 5

Elf Magic: 5

Status:

None

Harry/Ringer looked through the Window and saw that all of the girls were the same age, so had to be quadruplets. She looked up and saw all three girls looking at her as if waiting. "Well, let's go then." She said, waving them after her.

The group headed to a smaller house closer to the front with a side walk up to the door. When they opened the door a Giant Spider, though it was only about the size of a human head unlike the ones in the Forbidden Forest, came crawling out, its size slowing it somewhat. The girls all screamed and started throwing Rocks at the evil creature. It took nearly all of Harry/Ringer's Rocks to do any real damage to the Giant Spider and the rest to kill the thing.

Thrown Weapon Skill Discovered.

+5 Thrown Weapon Skill.

Tutorial: Thrown Weapons:

You have earned the Thrown Weapon Skill, this helps control the range and damage of any throwing weapons.

Harry/Ringer spent the evening clearing out parts of the small shed, finding only Spiders of varying sizes. Harry understood Ron's fear of Spiders now. They stopped before finishing and went to bed, sleeping curled into each other in the tent.

A/N: Do the Spiders make more sense as a beginner Monster? Anything else not making sense guys/girls?


	6. Update

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

I own nothing of Harry Potter… Still…

A/N: Benji-C: In response to your second review, it is more or less the fact that the game will evolve as Harry plays. Their consciousness is there but is learning from Harry's actions as he plays as that person.

Chapter 6: Updated

Harry had decided to exit his play as Ringer without saving, thus deleting the character he had created. He walked to the computer screen in Room 1 and found a new option floating there.

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ronald Weasley

Ginny Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Sirius Black

Petunia Dursley

Neville Longbottom

Side Characters

New Character

New Character

Update Log

Unlocks

He chose to look at the Update Log.

1.0.1b: Neville Longbottom added as playable character. Free build character Specs. New tutorials about Specs.

1.0.1a: Tutorials added. Room 1 added.

Harry was curious as to what Free build meant so he backed out of that screen and touched Ronald's name. He felt himself get pulled back into the game.

Free Build

Tutorial: Free Build:

Free Build function allows you to customize characters based upon their unique backgrounds. This includes bonus Specs, Skills, and sometimes equipment or unlocks.

Ronald Weasely

Specs:

Tutorial: Specs:

Sorry about the late Tutorial here. Specs are what form the basis of your character, these help determine your Characters Skills.

Strength: The power behind a melee hit of your Character, I know, why would a Wizard need Strength, find out on your own.

Wisdom: The power behind your Characters Spells, also influences the amount of Spec Points obtained in Level Up.

Intelligence: Influences the number of Skill Points earned in a Level Up, also the amount of Mana or MP you obtain in a Level up.

Constitution: Influences the amount of HP gained every Level Up.

Dexterity: Influences your Characters abilities with Thrown Weapons and Flight, as well as your characters dodging speed.

Strength: 2

Wisdom: 1

Intelligence: 1

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Points to Distribute: 6

Harry laughed at Ron's intelligence and Wisdom Levels, they explained a lot of his uselessness. So, simply because he hoped to change Ron this time around, he put his last 6 points split between Wisdom and Intelligence.

Skills: (Choose three or fewer)

Chess

Flight

Hate

Add Skill

Harry clicked the Add Skill option and thought about what skills he wanted to look up. He tried using the word Transfiguration, the option appeared shortly after on the Skills list. Next he looked up Defense, and sure enough a DADA choice appeared in the Skills list.

Harry chose the Skills Flight, DADA, and Transfiguration as Ronald's starting Skills, hoping that would change the boy for the better. Another menu appeared in Harry's vision.

Unlocks: (Choose two)

Ronald's Stomach

Ronald's Jealousy

Ronald's Power

Ronald's Love

Harry assumed that each option was meant to be seen as the person's ability with any of the options. Harry also assumed that last time around Ron got the first two Unlocks, so Harry chose to give Ron the last two, again hoping to let the boy be his friend.

After Harry chose all of his options he felt himself get pulled into the Weasley household, and he got a bad feeling when he heard the twins laughing and running from Ron's room as he woke up.

A/N: Sorry about the short update, wanted to put this as a buffer chapter. trying to start eliminating the Tutorials so we can get into the action.

Faithfully yours,  
LordWolf77


	7. Ronald

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

Chapter 7: A New Ron?

Ronald Weasley

Specs:

Strength: 2

Wisdom: 4

Intelligence: 4

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Skills:

DADA: 10

Flight: 10

Transfiguration: 10

Active Unlocks:

Ronald's Power: Increases all Attack Skill increases by 5%

Ronald's Love: Increases all Friendship Point increases by 5%

Active Curses:

Weasley Curse: Decreases drop specialty.

Harry had no idea that the twins had been testing their fireworks for so long. It was obvious they knew how to silence a room by the fact that Mrs. Weasley did not inspect the sudden noise so early in the morning. Harry looked in the mirror and saw his 'best mate's' face, covered in black soot from the fireworks. He looked around at the destroyed room and sighed. He decided to spend the time to clean the room as he knew no one would question Ronald sleeping a while longer.

Ron spent two hours cleaning and discovered the Cleaning Skill in the process. By the time he finished cleaning the giant mess he racked up twenty three points in his Cleaning Skill. He opened his Inventory and equipped the clothes that he found.

"RON!" he heard Percy yell, "It's time for breakfast. Get down here. And get Ginny on your way."

"I'm coming." Ron yelled back. He started going down the stairs and stopped at Ginny's door. Without thinking Ron opened Ginny's door, "Ginny, it's time-"

He got cut off by three books hitting him in the face, thrown by his younger sister.

"Ronald! Get out!" Ginny said getting ready to throw another book at her brother.

Ron barely had time to register the fact that Ginny was only in a towel before he slammed the door shut and heard the book hit the other side. He ran down stairs and sat at the table. Ginny came down and sat opposite him with a blush across her face, matching her hair. A purple exclamation point appeared over her head.

Tutorial:

Purple Exclamation Point:

A purple Exclamation Point is much like a main mission or side mission, though purple signifies a Relationship mission. These missions allow you to increase or decrease a relationship significantly, these events can save or destroy lives as well as influencing future missions.

Ron looked around the table and noticed that Ginny and himself were oddly the only two at the table.

Ron spoke slowly and quietly, "Mission accepted," this prompted Ginny to look at him and slowly speak.

"You know you aren't supposed to walk in on people in their own rooms Ronald. You didn't see anything did you?"

"No. No I swear I didn't. I am sorry for walking in on you Gin, I must have still been tired when I got to your room. I didn't mean it. Can I make it up to you?" came the easy choice of answer options.

Ginny smiled as she thought of a way to get back at her brother, and to get him in nearly as much trouble as she would be in. "Well… You are going to Hogwarts this year… Harry Potter is supposed to be there as well. If you help me get him to like me… I won't tell mum what you did."

"You mean get him to date you? You are too young to think of that." Ron responded.

"Then I guess mum is going to find out what you did. And that you won't help us with our plan anymore. Good luck getting out of that." As she spoke the rest of the family, save Mr. Weasley, came in and sat at their seats. "Mum, Ronald isn't playing nice and he walked in on me in just a towel without knocking."

"RONALD WEASLEY." Mrs. Weasley yelled causing the windows to shake. "GO TO YOUR ROOM."

Ron ran from the room and saw Mrs. Weasley start writing a letter. Ron was up in his room for an hour, raising his cleaning skill and trying to find something to do, when Albus Dumbledore walked into his room.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley correct?" At Ron's nod he continued, "Your mother requested I come speak to you about some things you did today."

"What do you mean sir? I have done nothing I have not already apologized for," Ron was surprised by the logical choice for an answer.

"I mean, my boy, your betrayal of your mother and sister, and your long standing plan to get the Potter fortune. Your mother and I have planned for years to get this done for your family. You have always wanted to be friends with him have you not?" Albus said in his grandfather voice.

"Yes, I have but I'd rather be actual friends than a lying cheating friend. Harry has had enough loss in his life." Ron said, looking the man in the eyes.

Albus got that twinkle in his eye and Ron felt some type of probing on the edge of his mind.

Occlumency Skill Discovered.

Tutorial:

Occlumency Skill:

Occlumency is widely thought to be the ability to guard and defend your mind, however, it is truly a way of organizing your thoughts, this on its own allows you to have or create a Mindscape which gives you a level of protection. This skill lets you detect an invasion of your mind, as you get more skilled you will be able to combat the invasion.

Ron looked at Dumbledore and decided it was best not to let him know that he knew about the invasion.

"Well my boy, I suppose my being here is going to do no good. Your mother asked that I leave you here to await your father, who should be a bit behind me. I wish to see you at Hogwarts this year." The old man left, his light blue cloak flowing with each step behind him.

Ron spent the time flipping through his menus, finding a new one with the name Mindscape. He clicked it and found that it was really just a simple way of building a Mindscape. He had to spend Mind points, which he wasn't yet sure how to get, on different defenses within his mind. The only thing that was not greyed out was the Openscape, which Ron figured was the first thing you needed to get.

Ronald's father came into the room and sat in a chair he transfigured on the way in. He sat for a moment brushing his worn down pants as if trying to get the sunk in dirt out. "So, Ron, I hear you walked into your sister's room without knocking. Again."

Ron looked down slightly shamed and nodded.

"You remember what I told you last time? If you did it again you would have to go with me to work for the rest of the summer before you go to Hogwarts. I didn't want to do this but you need to come with me son." He stood up and opened the door, waving for Ron to walk out before him.

The two walked down the stairs and gathered with Mrs. Weasley and Ginny in the living area.

"Ronald, you need to apologize to your sister and mother for your actions today. Then we will be going to Diagon Alley to do some things for work. You will be tagging along with me for the next several days." As Mr. Weasley finished he waved his hand toward the girls indicating Ron to start apologizing.

"Mum, Gin, I am sorry for all of the things I did today. Dad, can we go now?" Ronald looked at his father then down as if shamed of what he did.

Ron and his father left the house, and silently walked to the edge of their wards and apperated to Diagon Alley.

Ronald Weasley

Specs:

Strength: 2

Wisdom: 4

Intelligence: 4

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Skills:

Cleaning: 23

DADA: 10

Flight: 10

Occlumency: 5

Transfiguration: 10

Active Unlocks:

Ronald's Power: Increases all Attack Skill increases by 5%

Ronald's Love: Increases all Friendship Point increases by 5%

Active Curses:

Weasley Curse: Decreases drop specialty.

Active Increases:

None

Active Decreases:

Molly Weasley: -5 Points a week

Ginny Weasley: -10 Points a week

A/N: Hope you guys like the different set up, if not let me know, but please be respectful about it and don't just attack the story. Thank you all for reading this and giving my story a chance.

Faithfully Yours,

LordWolf77


	8. Diagon Alley

Harry Potter and Life's Big Joke

I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 8: Diagon Alley

Ronald Weasley

Specs:

Strength: 2

Wisdom: 4

Intelligence: 4

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Skills:

Cleaning: 23

DADA: 10

Flight: 10

Occlumency: 5

Transfiguration: 10

Active Unlocks:

Ronald's Power: Increases all Attack Skill increases by 5%

Ronald's Love: Increases all Friendship Point increases by 5%

Active Curses:

Weasley Curse: Decreases drop specialty.

Active Increases:

None

Active Decreases:

Molly Weasley: -5 Points a week

Ginny Weasley: -10 Points a week

Ronald Weasley came though the archway into Diagon Alley followed quickly by his Father, Mr. Weasley.

Global Unlock: Diagon Alley

The boy followed Mr. Weasley to Ollivander's Wand Shop. He remembered the Holly Phoenix Feather Wand he once had.

"Ah, Arthur, are you here to finally get your custom wand? Or is it time for this young man to get one?" The old man said as he appeared from the shadows.

"No, sir. Actually I need you to watch my boy so I can go to Knockturn Alley. I need to do things for work and the boy cannot stay out of his sister's room. Would you do that for me?" Mr. Weasley said.

"Sure, do you mind if I have him help me around the shop? You know school is coming for these young folk and I would love the opportunity to teach someone the art of Wand Crafting. I will pay him of course." The man said, adding the last part quickly.

"Sure, as long as you can entertain him while I get my business done. I appreciate this Mr. Ollivander. Ronald, I want you to help Mr. Ollivander." Mr. Weasley said as he turned and left the shop.

"Ron, would you like to help me make some wands?" Mr. Ollivander said as a gold exclamation point appeared over his head.

Ronald walked closer to Mr. Ollivander and answered positively to his question.

"Good then I need you to collect these items," Mr. Olivander said handing him a list.

Mission: Wand Making: Harry Potter's Holly-Phoenix Feather Wand

One piece of Holly Wood

One Phoenix tail feather

Ron set about the back of the store looking for the two items. He found them relatively quickly due to Mr. Ollivander's seemingly obsessive organization. However when he grabbed the tail feather a small fire broke out in the Holly Wood box.

Ron fought the fire for less than a minute before Mr. Ollivander came out from the front and used his magic to extinguish the flame. Upon inspecting the small burned box Mr. Ollivander pulled a small egg out of the crevice.

"Ron my boy, it seems that you have obtained a Phoenix Egg. An egg is even rarer than the phoenix itself. It seems that you have done something right for a Phoenix to choose you while it is just an egg. I believe that it should hatch just before you must go to school." Mr. Ollivander handed the egg over to Ron.

"Now did you get all of the items I asked for?" The old man asked him.

"Yes sir, I have it all here." Ron pulled the pieces out and showed Mr. Ollivander.

"Well then make the wand boy."

Tutorial: Wand Making:

You have unlocked the Wand Making screen, this allows you to put different pieces together to create your own wand. Learning this skill helps you find wands you or others make that are compatible with your magic. Wands created by you are not registered with the Ministry and therefore not subject to the Underage Magic Law.

Ron called up the wand making screen and put the two items together and hit the glowing Create button.

You have created Harry Potter's Holly-Phoenix Feather Wand

"Well done Ron. Well done indeed. Now I have one more thing I wish for you to do to this wand." Mr. Ollivander gave Ron a paper with some type of design he couldn't make out. "This is an enchantment given to me by a very powerful person. They have requested I make this wand so that a special person can use it. Could you engrave this into the handle of this wand."

Mission: Enchanting:

You have been asked to engrave an enchantment, or an ambient powered type of magic, on Harry Potter's Holly-Phoenix Feather Wand. You now have the enchantment window.

Ron opened the Enchantment window as he did the Wand Making window. He applied the written enchantment to the handle of the wand and clicked the red enchant button. He watched as his hands danced across the wand, slowly making the engraving as perfect as his unskilled hands could.

You have created Harry Potter's Forced Holly-Phoenix Feather Wand.

Mission Successful:

Enchant Skill Discovered

+10 Enchant Skill

Wand Making Skill Discovered

+10 Wand Making Skill

+1 Knut (Weasley Curse)

"Well done. Thank you my boy." A bell went off in the front of the shop. "I believe that would be your father returning to pick you back up. I thank you for your help. I hope to see you again before you go to school." Mr. Ollivander turned to his stock room and collected a few things. "Here, I wish you to practice your wand making skills, if you wish you can practice your enchanting as well. And please don't forget your Egg."

Ron walked to the front of the store and saw his father standing in the doorway, waiting for him, a few conversation options floating over his head.

Ron chose one, "Dad, I got a Phoenix Egg. It appeared as I was creating a wand. Can we keep it? Can I get a Burning Stand for it?"

"Well I did just get a few extra Sickles, so I guess we can, if it is yours you will need one. Let's go son, we need to get back to the Burrow before dinner or your mother will have my skin."

Mr. Weasley rushed Ron out the door, they stopped at Eeylops Owl Emporium and got Ronald a Burning Stand, before heading back to the Weasley household.

Harry woke up in Room One after saving his progress with Ronald. He felt that even with only one day he accomplished a lot on that front.

It was hard for him to wrap his mind around the fact that Molly and Dumbledore were the ones who set him up to be killed by Ginny. He still was uncertain how that happened, the last thing he remembered was walking closer to her as she shed her robe for him.

Update: Ron Weasley is now counted as a Follower of Harry. New Skill Search Added. Weasley Curse start at Level 10 curse, find 10 Galleons to break to Level 9 curse.

Harry smiled at the thought of spending his own points in Skills he chose to look up. It was now time to play as a different character.

Ronald Weasley

Specs:

Strength: 2

Wisdom: 4

Intelligence: 4

Constitution: 5

Dexterity: 5

Skills:

Cleaning: 23

DADA: 10

Enchanting: 10

Flight: 10

Occlumency: 5

Transfiguration: 10

Wand Making: 10

Active Unlocks:

Ronald's Power: Increases all Attack Skill increases by 5%

Ronald's Love: Increases all Friendship Point increases by 5%

Active Curses:

Weasley Curse: Decreases drop specialty.

Active Increases:

None

Active Decreases:

Molly Weasley: -5 Points a week

Ginny Weasley: -10 Points a week


End file.
